livity/love

i make music now

2009-10-20T10:14:00.001-07:00

http://abstractrandom3.wordpress.com/

phasing out

2009-09-08T08:04:00.001-07:00

this blog will stay alive though i rarely give her breath by new poetic posts.

find me here with more arts antics than personal poetics

ill doctrine on mj

2009-07-13T22:37:00.000-07:00

the artist's accountatbility

2009-07-05T19:40:00.000-07:00

a friend and i made a baby, abstract random.

our baby has grown into an animal i am growing to know, striving to mold.

for an artist exists when audience listens

and is therefore accountable

to present and communicate a sacred shared feeling

when i grow up, i want to be like rux

2009-07-05T19:32:00.001-07:00

ian kamau - september 09 mixtape

2009-06-22T12:07:00.000-07:00

download ian kamau september 09 mixtape here
ian kamau on podomatic
ian kamau myspace

Not Far From Home... June 26, 2009 doors 7pm @ anitafrika! dub theatre

Not Far From Home is an exhibit of photography from my travels to Cuba, Kenya, Brazil and Ghana. There will be performances by myself and Afrakaren Nile and a screeening of Stolen From Africville as well as my parents' (Claire Prieto & Roger McTair) film Home To Buxton.

anitafrika! dub theatre is located at 62 fraser avenue (liberty village)
call 416 434 1823 or check out www.anitafrika.com

download the mixtape at airkj.com

2009-06-20T22:26:00.000-07:00

NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE
IMPOSSIBLE IS A LIE

question

2009-06-20T22:04:00.001-07:00

is it okay

if a person of color generalizes about white people?

if queer women hypersexualize womens' bodies?

if once-persecuted people oppress a nation?

do unto others, as...

her sparkly lov

2009-06-20T22:00:00.000-07:00

www.francescanocerasun.ca

sun n jam are abstract random

2009-06-20T21:44:00.000-07:00

abstract random is lover sun and jamilah malika. armed with a portable amp, microphone, sampler and projector, abstract random create an art show that can go from street to stage. abstract random use art, costumes & theatrix to create an organic unique art experience installation – a story told by the visual, with the sound and through the words. all three. always. love, abstract random.

abstract random is an arts experience – part poetry, part music, part play, part call to arms to humanity.

we tell stories through

image (from body art to video projection)
sound (from sampler to stompin beats) and
words (from microphone to you)

we come to your town as

abstract random sound crew :: lover sun on ones n twos and jamilah with freestyle flow
abstract random youth workshop :: accessible multimedia storytelling program
abstract random :: image, sound, word story

performing @
the gladstone hotel - les blues event - wed july 24 (open second set)
the fruitloops stage - pride - sat july 27 (busking all day around the parade)
pedestrian sunday - kensington market - sun july 28 (busking)
88 days of fortune - 960 heart beat (960 Queen W) - full set 10pm

hear us on womens word CHRY 105.5 or streaming live @ www.chry.fm wed july 24th 12-1pm

email abstractrandomis@gmail.com for more info
myspace in development... look out for ep 'disrupt disreality' dis summer.

beyond the struggle

2009-06-20T21:43:00.001-07:00

right now

2009-04-28T20:59:00.001-07:00

my mother says 'look to your roots to see your responsibilities; the cultural legacy of your peoples behooves you to take advantage of your privilege'

i'd like to leave for the equator (sea level) and let this whole life drop (to attain some level of perspective) and return to pick up only those essential pieces. those essential eternal pieces.

for i can't see from here.

the word. word.

2009-04-21T23:01:00.000-07:00

when voice can take you deep inside your mind outside your body through collective consciousness to a place you may not 'know' per se, that, is the power of the word.

image, sound, word. word.

watch out, the abstract random collective is coming. it's not art, it's ARC.

shame shame

2009-04-16T12:42:00.000-07:00

it's just not friendly, just not friendly...

why be 'friendly' over a year now?
but lie? or to be clear, why omit?
why never speak her name?
why not mention your wife or marital status?

you coulda drawn that line
long long long ago
when we were first becoming 'friends'
a little clarity in fact would have been
much more 'friendly'

cause i believe in karma
and now mine feels sullied
still i did not know i trespassed
until well after the fact, found out by (the universe disguised as) chance...
should i have asked?
i should have asked.
shoulda done 'due diligence'

says my friend with a cock who i call up to talk when i find out to process the shock to help me figure out how on earth could this type fuckerie come about? he explains i'm to blame cause i never asked point blank and all men care 'bout is that they don't get found out, cause the exposure is the only part that causes pain. in fact, i played right into his game by never insisting to know when, who, what he did at night. i reply we never talked on those levels, bout them type things - that's not what we were about, we were friends over writing and music and artivism. "then why'd you fuck?" i hesitate to reply that's not what this is about -

'to deceive'

synonyms: betray, mislead, beguile, delude, dupe, hoodwink, bamboozle, double-cross...

the sad truth is
i valued you as my friend, friend.
but bredren don't do so to bredren.

sadder fact is i got to shake off the sad feeling
and do my best not to hold onto that bitter unease
but be real with myself
that i did suspect & felt in my gut
that you were lying or withholding
something.

now, if i had known what
i woulda backed the fuck off.

i will write

2009-04-08T23:19:00.000-07:00

mercy. i love life. i love the people in my life and all of the infinite blessings bestowed upon me. i am awed in each moment; reminded of the opportunities and possibilities, constant, flowing, surreal.

full circle... to come full circle is to re-realize, to remember, to re-discover what always was and what will be. what came before and everything you don't see - yet. it's always, everywhere, just see. i give to others so easily and must be disciplined to do the same for me. must be conscious of each experience, although fleeting. flying past me. to capture in wordsound is my blessing.

she said, fly free. in these broad mountains this feels easy. we hum, each and every. i walk out and see earth in the sky and he said, that immense towering mass was once rockbed. rockbed? i am staring up into what was once the sea? can this be? really? surreal in its reality.

i will write.

no words

2009-04-08T17:29:00.000-07:00

at least a dozen poems are rattlin around in my mind and i cannot write. aggravated by the fact that usually all i can do is write. however i never memorize a word. then step up on stage with my sheet safety blanket and read. lawd have mercy on me. que pasa?! i'm writing silly love poems and posting videos and not really writing. not really really writing those words that will put me way out on a limb with my heart on my sleeve and exposing it all full frontal. 'go bare' he said. i shudder. my head hurts and i cannot write. perhaps i misplaced my voice somewhere... i will retrace my steps. maybe i left it on the subway or in the streetcar with one glove or a scarf. i disperse my words among notbooks and laptop files and slips of paper and more notebooks and then feel 'a ways' wishing i could scoop them all together into one heap and sift through the whole collection as though that would give me a sense of cohesion, or completion or contentment. self-sabotage maybe? likely.

for i am at a loss. my frontal lobe throbs and i cannot write. i have a list of potential poems and i put my pen to paper and ... and ... and ...

how bloody anti-climactic. i just want to get them out. ejaculate. maybe then my brain will stop buzzing. i mean, what is sanity, really? and how sane should a writer be exactly? and if i plan to step on a stage, do i really need to just memorize one, two or three? or all? or what? i'm suffering from severe inadequacy. even though the response is almost always 'you are lovely' -

that is not the problem. the problem is with me. i just can't seem to articulate the damn thing. for a writer - that could be the end of me.

could it? really? will this pass? what will become of me (without words?)

ROCK THA FUCK OUT

2009-04-08T14:32:00.000-07:00

there is no light by wildbirds and peacedrums

2009-04-08T14:22:00.001-07:00

2009 lovesex quandry

2009-04-08T12:31:00.000-07:00

my dilemma -

intimacy in 2009 obliges a level of dialogue
however the conversation to many connotes a level of commitment
before those lines/shapes/squiggles have necessarily been drawn

though i have left some such marks in your back...

so, how to broach or approach this conversation
without the misinterpretation/accusation
that this wom/hu/man wants to lock you down?

because i truly don't give a fuck what we are doing or where this is going
i do not need a label or a drawer or a sweater with a letter or a ring

all i really want is to pin you down
with my body, my mouth on your mouth, our limbs entangled
(at times, not all the time, but sometimes)
(in this case, in addition to our friendship)
in this present moment. today.

remembering tomorrow is a new day.
knowing neither can commit to feeling the same way
tomorrow as we do today.

truth is 2009 obliges
a mutual understanding for
reciprocal esteem of both mind and body
some sense from both parties of
truth and trust in the 'thing'

particularly that neither is
the unsuspecting third party
to danger or deceit,
can you feel me?

'cos baby, i can easily risk my heart
but my self-respect and physical health
are much too dear to me,
and much more so than the idea of 'we'.

my very best poem

2009-04-07T13:10:00.000-07:00

i only want to give you my very best poem
i don't want to share any old poem
only my very best poem

i've skimmed several pages, all disparate,
review different files, flipped through every weathered notebooks
searching for that one very best poem
for you

and no one poem
feels just right
is quite right
for this occasion
for you

so i skirt the stage
remain in my seat
purse my lips
and hold this feeling in

this fretting, this distressing
that none of my poetry
is good enough to me
for you

sorry.

i miss you

2009-04-07T12:25:00.001-07:00

the sun is shining
i look upon these broad white mountains and
i miss you

moments we've shared
too few
distance our physical bodies
i wonder
do i even really know you

could i?
will i ever?
will you?

if we spend a lifetime together

and in your presence
what will i feel
will distance still
push me away from you

intangible distance
the words i cannot articulate
instead i'll just say

i love you
i love you
i love you

always have
even before
i knew you
even before
i knew what it was
to miss you

alixa and naima - climbing poetree presents hurricane season

2009-03-15T13:01:00.000-07:00

ase, lovely love you ladies, such a blessing to meet these beautiful souls in nyc, learn more at www.climbingpoetree.com

bk, nyc - recession and art

2009-03-15T12:45:00.000-07:00

in brooklyn last week i encountered many artists and noted a theory buzzin about the community of visual artists, musicians, dancers, producers, designers, etc. and the current economic crisis (all americans can chat bout these days)

the recession will engender more quality art and community arts by diminishing the pressure of market art imperatives and allowing the artist to focus more intensely on the process and the intention. no longer a money game, art can become about expression for other people.

question is, when are curators and gallery owners gettin on board?

i am a killer

2009-03-15T11:48:00.001-07:00

i must confess
i shot down our love

i am the python
that swallowed our love whole
and went to sleep

i stifled our love
i smothered our love
i stabbed at
the slight possibility
of love
between us
then watched our love
bleed out
in silence

wrapped in my
cold flexed fingers
i squeezed the
life from our love

a seed planted
and germinated
fledgling
i smashed it
drowned it
obliterated it
-
a giant unaware of
her own strength
swatted in self preservation
and tore down
the sky
then sat up
suddenly
sadly
surprised
hardly knew how or why
-
and still
i don't know
if i hurt
your pride
or some real
deeper
feeling
deeper
inside
beyond the reaches of ego
beyond the reaches of your
mind

and now we sit
six feet above
our love
'friends'
we talk across
the dirt mound
neither mention
'love'

while secretly
i bring flowers
and wonder
how to resurrect
the love
i know I murdered.

trying to work it out

2009-03-15T11:48:00.000-07:00

i am so turned around, mixed up, headspun right now.

my mother calls my lifestyle 'bohemian' - i reel. don't know what to feel. how to explain this intense place called growing. coming to some knowing. some sense of direction. through exploration and reflection.

over the past year my close friend has found me 'heavy' then 'lighter' now 'restless'

over the past year i am bless to have been immersed in community arts as a result of an opportunity to manage a space (no quickbooks, no incorporation, no personal income) that has truly enriched my everyday experience, connected me to artists i respect, exposed the hustle of grants and independent artistry in a busy gritty money mongering tdot city and allowed me to develop myself as an artists first a writer writing to publish now a writer writing to perform, to paint, to make muzak and installations and yes, publish. but also to heal, to share and to learn.

i have learned i can facilitate a workshop, collaborate to curate an art show, mediate dialogue on arts and issues, plan programming and much more. but still...

in my pockets are precious plans i hide while i try to manage the biz bit of this amazing project including w.i. sea - an international magazine, a cerebreal jourey from head to heart - a guided journaling activity, heartbeart - a chapbook and more... wrapped up in these plans or around them rather, cradling them in place, is a fear - a very real frightful concern:

the desire to share and publish is fused with the fear of the 'how' - the connect between the articulation and the action - do i pursue more academic credentials? when i do not want to perpetuate the idea grad studies and academia are necessary (as the are elitist and exclusive and a publishing pissing contest?) why don't i follow those examples i have encountered this past year of renegade guerrilla artists on a serious grind, walking that tightrope for funding and pushing their projects hardhardhard.

what greater fear lurks beneath fretting over the 'how'?

why do i fight focusing on my own projects in my pocket? why is it so easy for me to commit to another person's project one hundred percent? why can i wake up early for class but not for myself?

i am so afraid. i am in serious debt. my head hurts.

everything is nebulous and in the air and this may be over in july and that may not go down in september and this opportunity in june might pass me by but what will happen regardless?

what is the foundational purpose?

new plan - stop planning. forget the hows, whens, wheres and just focus on the why. put the why into action and forget the rest. for now.

thanks.

morning ase

2009-03-12T06:03:00.000-07:00

thank you universe
for the
brilliant
beautiful
women
in my present moment

i wish to articulate a bridge

2009-03-12T04:53:00.000-07:00

i am perplexed and saddened by the seeming inability to draw connections (and thereby nurture compassion) across complexions - this feels to me like a dilemma of grave consequence as my female friends who are not of color are having beautiful mixed babies by men of culture, of cultures of the african diaspora. i fear that if i cannot clearly connect across color with these women, then what day of angry disconnect awaits them, in relation to their children?

"you don't understand me ma! you can never understand my experience! i am black. you are white." period.

to feel/fear one cannot communicate conditions across color inhibits dialogue and the possibility (not for unity but) for real change through cooperation. audre lorde wrote of the richness that differences make, the richness, not the hate, nor the distance. the richness in difference will bring us to new solutions (that humanity needs desperately but often does not seek.)

nehal notes the differences between performing black and owning black. black as in black consciousness not that amorphous BET-NBA black blob. to perform is to portray pride to people in the everyday, an ability grown out of a genuine place of inward reflection and self-knowing e.g. the owning. performing is the outside action and owning the inside understanding. i could list other ethnic identities that appear outwardly differently in different people as genuine pride of or striations away from 'stereotypes' across communities all owning their origins that invariably vary but note that 'white' is the norm, is the over-riding desirable state, is the other to a person of color - more often the amorphous blob often trying to lend itself to culture failing either by destroying or disingenuously uplifting or outright theft. is there no room for the heartfelt appreciation of traditions of people different than you, is that wish to learn more about, dress like the people of, play music of a place, an origin, that you cannot locate in your composition?

is there no room for francesca to play kalimba? i cannot countenance this. i must build a bridge.

another level of reality cloud the issue for me: 'looking' of 'x' identity, the perception peice. when a person self identifies as 'of color' but outwardly face, skin and features 'pass' as 'white' or other - how authentic can your identity be when you are perceived as better than that blacker-than-you-being therefore denying that complex set of oppressions that string together the days in dark communities? how can those fair skinned offspring of interracial families maintain his or her ethnic identity in a world that does not respect them as a part of neither side of the family tree? how much to we need to 'see' to believe?

i seek the opportunity to connect across culture with integrity, wanting that for my friends' mixed pickney and equally wishing to affirm friendships i keep. i feel that conditions exist across colors and in the details of the experience are opportunities for dialogue, for caring comparison and connectivity across differences without calling 'sameness' similarity ... quite. mirroring instead of othering says sandra amarie of moja tea gallery.

i say we should all poke out our eyes. moses responds 'then we would judge by voice and odor.' i wish to shed a tear for that othering instinct inside, wish to draw it out of me in that same sigh, wish to expel the impetus to tell you how 'you' are different from 'i'.

i say white mothers of mixed babies, don't antagonize your child with the idea that 'we're the same'.

i say white women don't call 'gender' and say you understand racism and systematic discrimination against (in)visible min(maj)orities.

i say white heteronormative men walk with a level of assurance and affirmation (a result of pervasive patriarchy, capitalism and racism) that women and people of culture simply cannot for the world in this world has not taught us this - we look for grey, seek compromise, learn to accommodate. our labour (from mothering to slaving for pennies a day) has no value inside the market but the world could not continue without us. but sometimes i feel that pedestal built of privilege is a prison all its own and there are no steel bars between he and i, no, there is a steel wall and you cannot really see me and i do not really know you because you in fact have never been compelled to show the real real you.

cry me a river.

black babies eat mud pies because of your privilege and black grandmothers bury their daughters to care for their children because of your injust aid - see how i connect the two?

what to do. what to do. what to do.

how to articulate
an authentic bridge
across color

if i cannot
i fear
all is lost
intergenerationally
between
child and mother

i know
meaningful
connections
permit
cooperation
between privilege

class can transcend color
for money can buy your way
out of oppression
out of identifying with
'your people'

i sense like class
there exist
connections between conditions
across color
and these
can create that bridge

tell me how this can be done?

d'bi says to see the places where you are an oppressor, a witness of oppression and a victim of oppression.

let's start here - shall we give it a try?

i will and will let you know how it goes...

wanting and not wanting

2009-03-06T15:16:00.000-08:00

thick
ness
con
sumes

so still
still
throbbing
pulsating
vibrating

immersed
in
choices

how
to
breathe
?

it was NOT written

2009-02-16T11:51:00.000-08:00

a premise:
we have gone so far idolizing progress irrationally that we are now looking to explain this state

a fear:
we look to attribute our technological folly and excessive injustice to religious truths

a recommendation:
we take responsibility for our present state and look to resolve, undo and change without hoping that our mess was predetermined by some being bigger than us

prose poetry

2009-02-12T07:09:00.000-08:00

i adore thick heavy prose, packed with descriptive language and intangible imagery and alot of alliteration so that the words don't come easy. rather they oblige the reader to slow their reading and expend energy to enunciate each syllable, allowing a moment to meditate on wordsound. wordsoundpower.

the root of love for rastas

2009-02-05T13:00:00.000-08:00

my mother, a soft, round west indian south asian woman, loved tosh. from the cassette player weaving in and out of bhajans, steelpan, and symphony orchestras were his reggae riddims and sweet voice, dark and deep and textured with pain yet smooth - like some tossed wave beaten black rock. above the statistics textbooks and caribbean lit in her ofice was his face, eyes peeping behind locks, smoke escaping from his lips. i thought him god-like.

my auntie joy had the spot in montreal in the seventies, where activists and artists crashed and buzzed and laughed and cried and never paid rent. one day, joy returned to find the house reeking of ganja. knowing she was on rcmp radar for traffickings us illegals into canada, she demanded to know who was in her house smoking reefer so - a friend pointed downstairs silently and brought her index to her lips - who could cause such reverence and quiet in this lively household? at the bottom of the stairs sat one peter tosh, whose quiet presence was so powerful, my auntie joy (no stranger to confrontation) held her tongue and continued to bring him fresh coffee (he refused food) until he departed. he strummed his guitar and sang, spoke very little.

to this day, i love a ras. not certain if its its a smell or memory or timbre of voice or rejection of norms and babylon shitstem or a combination or all these. but i know tosh, tosh, tosh, peter tosh is the root.

love meditation

2009-02-05T12:20:00.000-08:00

since sunday
i have focused
consciously
on love

take in
send out
love
with breathe

sending messages
across frequencies
to say i love you
to those entering my mind
in this meditation

funny
i was reminded
next next saturday
couples celebrate love
in a formal way

and i laughed
cos alone
i'm in love
with everyone
these days

to write

2009-02-03T09:14:00.003-08:00

i want to write a scream
rip, roar and tear

i want to write a sob
one wet streak

i want to write peace
steady exhale

i want to write love
wrap you in my skin
and mouth
and blood

i don't wanna die

2009-01-28T13:22:00.000-08:00

black merda website

honor your growth

2009-01-27T10:35:00.000-08:00

light refraction
a flicker
and i'm new
still the same
always was

just the layers
peeled away
now the sculpture
once under stone
grounded in change

new canadian film :: nurse fighter boy

2009-01-27T08:55:00.000-08:00

www.nursefighterboy.ca

brilliance abounds

2009-01-26T08:15:00.000-08:00

this is ian kamau

this is boonaa and waleed aka the kings of kush, video by che

they both performed at the mikey smith festival in dec '09 - giving their time and sharing their stories - at the anitAFRIKA! dub theatre

love the new works by the good peoples doin it all for community, expression, freedom of imagination, identity, you and me...

question

2009-01-12T08:28:00.000-08:00

do i still love you desperately?

or is that regret that pierces my heart so deeply?

my friend's papa's new film

2009-01-05T15:41:00.000-08:00

Disfarmer: A Portrait of America - Trailer 2:30 mins. from Dennis Mohr on Vimeo.

holy happens all around,

2009-01-05T15:32:00.001-08:00

blessings, ase, give thanks - it's a new year.

all the best to the blogsphere, eyes on screens, hearts at a distance - lovelovelove.

now, i'm not the festive type, though i do like clean slates and peaceful pious persons and the other day the two collided... parkdale, my hood, is home to several churches of all denominations and in the same day of early '09 i passed quiet groups of young monks in white and blue as well as orange and red, all passing beads through teir fingers and prayers over tongues and i thought to myself, "how lovely."

the snow continued to fall silently on their garb, on me, the sidewalk i trodded upon but i couldn't shake the buzzing feeling that sometimes loving god and your god's people can be a heinous horrid affair - gaza in this moment.

let's love a little more. take a moment to this about it... and while we are hushed in reflection may the lord have mercy on us all. i mean all.

mikey smith raw works festival at anitafrika dub theatre

2008-12-11T12:19:00.000-08:00

from tuesday december 16 to saturday december 20, come engage in a revolushunary afrikan model of theatre featuring works-in-progress. each evening is comprised of workshop readings and q & a by adt! resident artists and performances by local storytellers including saidah baba talibah, da original one, ania, sedina fiati and ian kamau. the five day festival celebrates the end of the first term of the 2008-2009 season culminating in a ritual-based ceremony of drummers, dancers, poets, vocalists, djs, dancing and great vibes.

all proceeds support anitafrika! dub theatre 2009 programming!

tues dec 16 doors 7pm *pwyc suggested $10*
resident raw works & talk back sessions 8pm
:: jamilah malika
:: liza paul
feature storyteller 9pm
:: saidah baba talibah
:: dbi young with live house band rakesh tewari and ian de souza
open mic 9:30pm (contact village@anitafrika.com)

wed dec 17 doors 7pm *pwyc suggested $10*
resident raw works & talk back sessions 8pm
:: natalyn tremblay
:: kim crosby
feature storyteller 9pm
:: ian kamau

thurs dec 18 doors 7pm *pwyc suggested $10*
~bcurrent raiz'n nite~
raw works & talk back sessions 8pm
:: tanya pillay
:: rhoddy richardson aka i am that i am
feature storyteller 9pm
:: sedina fiati

fri dec 19 doors 7pm *pwyc suggested $10*
resident raw works & talk back sessions 8pm
:: colanthony humphries
:: sketch ensemble
feature storyteller 9pm
:: ania
:: sea blackwalker
:: aya dance collective

sat dec 20 doors 7pm *pwyc suggested $15*
:: drummers & dancers ritual closing ceremony 8pm
feature storytellers 9pm
:: da original one
:: d'bi young
:: akinoah
jam down session 10:30pm
:: dj el machetero

photography by moses kofi 'not so far from home'
mural by victor manzo 'love and revolushun'

come and support art in process, art for social change, art for life - bring fresh ideas and give us your feedback and don't forget to tell your friends!

much love,
adt! collective
www.anitafrika.com
416 434 1823 village@anitafrika.com

stories that you like

2008-12-11T11:19:00.000-08:00

i've recently realized that my maternal family, mother and aunts, have a deep penchant or significant preference or uncommon affectation towards sad stories with unhappy endings and misbegotten intentions and tortured souls and regret and so on.

i am troubled.

growing up, the constant occupation with tragic news headlines or sad stories from neighbors, loved ones, (or hated ones, even better) never struck me as strange...

but now, now, when i receive calls of suchs news, relayed with a casual, satisfied knowingness but a touch of precarious fear nonetheless, i am struck by their frequency and the twisted joy in their delivery...

rought down on me with the heavy, weighted 'truths,' of people facing their mortality, 'jammie, one thing ma ah go tell yuh, one thing is don't waste yuh life!'

even romantic pragmatic cliches drop like lead, 'yuh know 'what happens to a dream deffered'?' langston would reel, would he not?

i do.

i find i prefer happy stories, novels that end with a sense of completion, films that allude to the continued existence of scenes, tales that teach but do not torture their characters... some sense of closure without impending doom.

i wonder what that means? what generational shift or change in geography, citizenship, class has created this rupture? what could be done to change their obsession? if it should change? if i am merely young and naive and age will transform my desire for a happy ending into a bitter realization of its impossibility?

the odds are

2008-11-21T16:15:00.001-08:00

what are the odds
that you find
someone you like

who likes you?

question to the universe

2008-11-21T16:13:00.000-08:00

why aren't reproductive responsabilities more equally distributed across genders?

does the monthly cycle, gestation, labour, birth and breastfeeding imply that nature trusts women over men?

or the inverse?

(shudder)

times neue roman -

2008-11-10T19:24:00.000-08:00

go to the times neue roman myspace

a moratorium

2008-11-10T19:16:00.001-08:00

today is monday
i declare a moratorium on men this monday
i will call it 'no more men monday.'

on this day, i solemnly vow
to discontinue sex with men
temporarily
(this is attempt number two -
hoping there won't be a number three)
to free my mind of 'it' as a necessity
of 'it' as a distraction, a preoccupation, a potential
tragedy.

but men only.
apologies.

note to self

2008-11-10T19:12:00.001-08:00

another year is passing...

don't be so hard on yourself this time,
be easy,
there's so much more to come.

if you don't forgive yourself -
others will not.

remember to schedule more
and make a budget next time

everything can be undone
and rebuilt again.

don't regret -
you can change it.

you're not dead yet -
nightmares can be resolved.

i won't stand for shame.
i will stand for truth -
truth for healing. only healing.
no more truth for hurting. no more.

you can't know what was
'a waste'
until the very end.
even then,
to call it a waste
would show a severe lack of
humility

for if you are humble enough to see
nothing was ever wasted
if it was given a try at all.

remember what's important

2008-11-10T19:08:00.000-08:00

important technique - life mapping - begin last year, chart all meaningful events and connections to following occurrences, culminate in potential forward movements

important questions - what have i learned? a new lesson? was it a re-learning? an un-learning?

important ideas - compassion and mindfulness. accountability and integrity. time is always.

time

2008-10-20T14:01:00.000-07:00

time passes
time flies
time seems to zip on by

brings changes
makes for growing
leads you to the self

not tomorrow's
or yesterday's
but now's
self

can't wonder bout
future/past
self
can only know
nowself

that's time
just now
no more
then gone

so stay
present

and don't fret
time knows
what we don't

the moon,

2008-10-16T17:56:00.000-07:00

the moon hang fat and low the other day when i finally emerged from my bed, bundled up and left the house. i promptly blamed her for my senseless, constant, recent (but familiar) anxiety, 'ah, it's you... my dear, from the window i couldn't see you but now the evening has brought your xray image, a light bright white vision of fine lines and shadows, translucent and out of place in dusk sky.' the day was a write-off, considered too long and began too late, spent paralyzed in reflection - i know this day. this day follows me, peeps from around a corner... then pounces early in the morning without warning. this day is full of questions and wonder, not curious, nor hopeful, but more leery and apprehensive in nature. the questions and wonder are met with easy justifications and explanations - my mind is an expert, an old hand, no amateur here, i know my way around this maze of made up interpretation, defense, analysis and some pretense. i trod to the center, scale the wall with ease and sit atop it quite comfortably, my eyes perusing the twisted paths and the locked gate on the horizon ... in the mist. i sit here often and look out... i look out, pull my collar up against the cold and breathe until i'm dizzy. inhale, count to seven, exhale, count to seven.until my lighthead takes on the weight of a brick, sends me veering slight left, no right, and down.

the street is much too busy to look out from my perch. people are passing, talking, commenting, laughing - jostling, bustling, hustling. it's going to be winter soon. i'll be here. when that snow comes. i'll be here. i've chosen to. or the staying chose me. i'm not sure now. but i'll be here. when the sun returns, i'll be here. i've committed. in my own mind. and it's good. i'll be busy. But what happens when the moon returns?

thanks saf... sigh

2008-10-16T17:51:00.001-07:00

ONLY FOUR DAYS LEFT!

2008-10-16T17:40:00.000-07:00

dis-connect

2008-10-16T16:02:00.000-07:00

sometimes you gotta feel
far flung and
detached to
see how to get in,
get back
on track
again.

and moreover,
if you even want to.

NUIT BLANCHE - a BUST

2008-10-07T08:12:00.000-07:00

so unless you attended a scotiabank funded thereby city sanctioned event, you were harangued by police who so audaciously shut down public parties put on by real people for people to access in tha street (where people be, duh!) - tha police decided that during a purportedly ' city wide art thingy' (actual marketed tagline) but in effect it was a nuit blanche zone-wide art thing and turned out that regular people could not participate independent of corporate sponsorship by jammin out in front of or inside their homes and/or establishments.

my trajectory for the evening -

styrofoam ones and times neue roman UHAUL show at the lower kensington 11:30pm set- no 1. of 4 stops in the streets of this city - COPS SHUT US DOWN.
musicbox live installation with five featured musicians and installations by five artists inside - 12pm COPS SHUT US DOWN (amazingly for a noise complaint -at 12pm in kensington - in 'the area' although we had been shut down for almost 45 mins to give some sound respite to our friends in the UHAUL)
rolly's garage jam - 3am party going strong - we're thinking til the 6am nuit blanche official end, but no, wait - screech, that's five cop cars and 6 bike cops rolling up to... SHUT US DOWN.

horrendous, despicable, outrageous. that's why Harper can talk foulness about the arts, cause he's talking about galas and corporate sponsored events - know what real canadians are interested in? real artists with real connections to community who make real art to really share a sentiment with community in a way that is accesible and inclusive AND A CITY THAT DOES NOT SHUT US DOWN - why? because we're not in nuit blanche zone a ,b or c? just foolishness. i mean 'white night' - that's just creepy.

but here's something real unforgettable - the u-haul, wat a stellar idea fella, beauty clip

nneka - the uncomfortable truth

2008-09-30T14:58:00.000-07:00

the clip is from '06... still waiting for some northamerican dates... nneka come check us!

not interested

2008-09-30T14:47:00.000-07:00

please don't push a product
please don't upsell the sale
please don't promo some improvement
i don't buy it
i won't buy it
i wouldn't even if i had the cash
but broke means
i'm not interested

just breathe

2008-09-30T14:45:00.000-07:00

stop processing a moment

just breathe

cease the nonstop todos

just breathe

end the endless follow up

just breathe

the priority
becomes
apparent
when you

just breathe

friend,

2008-09-26T10:32:00.000-07:00

oh friend,

friend,
i miss you -

i sense the
distance
but
moreover
i worry
about you
sometimes

at times
i fret that
you are
unhappy

see,
i worry
sometimes
that you are
not being
true
to you

or even
the possibility of
something new
for you

but these thoughts
are so much
less important
(and so much
more subjective)
than the fact that,

friend,
i miss you -

lawd,
i miss your
face
and
laughter

mostly
laughter

see,
i don't want to ask
but
when will i see you?

no,
i'm
not
so
busy

that one time
i fell asleep -
i'm so sorry

because
truly
i miss you
like 'crazy'
like alot
like i miss
myself
when life
becomes
'busy'

truly,
i must miss
myself
with yourself
mostly
when
we laugh
also
when
we chat
bout you
and me
and
endless
possibilities

so
come over
or
call me
cos friend,

i miss you
much
love

finance figures fall furiously

2008-09-24T07:24:00.000-07:00

so what does it mean?
when media references the great depression?
when bush bails out billion dollar banks?

i imagine rats scurrying
or
liquid money riverbeds sucked dry
or
copper coins spilled through cracks

into pockets?
for cash can't quite disappear
science equations make that much clear -

but really,
bush has bailed out
banks with bad karma
commercial turn speculative
straight speculate about rates
that aren't their business
about figures that aren't their affair -

now 4 million
low income
home owners
working poor
soon on the street
with more to come

to be joined by slick haired men in suits?
oh no, the government came to their rescue
bailed them out with buckets of money
filled the holes in the bottoms of their steamships

but not you and me,
not 'the people'
our canoes stay tipsy

but 'the money'?
save the money!
the people will fend for themselves.

and we will.

damn the bank
damn bush
damn money

all speculation
no reparations
no consequences
all jumpin fences

what foolishness...
wait, how'd we get into this mess?

wrong question -
more important,
who got us into this mess?

why, the bank -
then why'd they get bailed out?

and why not the people?
why not you and me?
what did we do to deserve this frenzy
spinning out of our control
driving us from our homes
wreaking havoc on our economy
but we don't figure in the rescue plan -
cause the government prefers to save the bank
how?

to buy back their debt with taxpayers money.
our money
the people's money.

fine then,
take our money
but at least give us a say

cos, the banks are the ones that got us here in the first place -
these times show they can't be trusted with our money,
nor the rates.

so give us a say
c'mon give us a say
i say -

give us a SAY!

troy davis died on death row last night,

2008-09-24T07:20:00.000-07:00

if you think the unjust prosecution and manipulation of witness testimony in order to kill an innocent black man cannot happen in 2008,

think again.

must see film this fall - FLOW

2008-09-17T20:07:00.000-07:00

do you ever just not know?

2008-09-16T11:37:00.000-07:00

i don't quite know.
i really have nothing to say -
and really and truly
you ought not listen to me anyway...

but sometimes we start things
without knowing where things go
but i value curiosity
(fuck the 'cat' - it will not kill me)

if we just take things slow
and allow things to grow
and see where they flow
we can begin to know

at least that's what i believe
so i won't fret bout it just yet
cause i know i don't need to know yet
the relevance will become clear to me

like water settled,
once murky
murky's not so bad
don't let it get you down
cos murky's full of learning
sift through murky
find sure ground

hold time close
but let it pass
let life happen
lay down and be glad

cos we don't need to know just yet
the knowing will come
i can feel it -
and besides
it feels good too
to not know just yet,
not quite yet.

do not befriend the market, heed taalam's words

2008-09-15T18:40:00.000-07:00

thank you taalam acey for this succinct and eloquent analysis -

terry lynn - new video

2008-09-15T18:37:00.000-07:00

she is terry lynn.
the album is kingston logic.
the single is system.

deal with it, star, she nah easy. big up to tha rickards bros on direction. respect.

my dear blogsphere,

2008-09-15T07:29:00.001-07:00

i went away for a while -
i missed you.
i don't know why i stayed away so long -
i missed you.
i'm going to try and get back up because -
i missed you.

really, i didn't mean to go
a tizzydizzy of life had me do so
things have cleared a little
(in my mind at least)
i sense this page was a beginning
now i will accept all the offererings
this life continues to give me,
each day is a blessing.

i am humbled when i apologize -
people are so good and forgiving
i am surprised when i am open -
all the thing you wish for can happen
when you really start living
something you care deeply about
and believe in...

and i want to keep sharing
with you
because
truly
this blog was a real beginning.

bisous, blogsphere -
je t'aime.

adrian hayles aka dj sawtay, parkdale in progress

2008-08-29T08:19:00.000-07:00

art blooms in parkdale,
artists of multi mediums
lurk among
the miscreants
the misfits
in these mean streets,
their gifts
bless our sight
helps our eyes to see
all the world
is free to be
or do or say
or scream
at you and me.

check 'the havenots' by adrian hayles (thanks sofree!)

d'bi young anitafrika - dub poet

2008-08-20T08:18:00.001-07:00

please forward the clip to 5 minutes to hear my favorite poem by this brilliant black poet artist performer community activist womban mother sister friend. please visit us this week for the story tellers groundings conference at the new anitAFRIKA! dub theatre in liberty village TO.

game is my middle name

2008-08-20T07:55:00.001-07:00

they say some foolishness bout 'behind every strong man, is a woman' and i say it's foolishness because this silly saying self perpetuates and we accept that the female partner's contribution is blurred in the background somewhere while we focus on the man out in front - here's what we lose - this is betty davis (second wife to miles who, as talented a musician as he was, beat every last woman in his life, mother included) - now livin in NYC, this woman pushed out albums in the seventies that are among the most raw rock n' soul i think i've ever heard. thx for tha tip cola!

a tune from me to you

2008-08-19T21:17:00.000-07:00

an honor, a privilege and a blessing -

2008-08-19T20:52:00.000-07:00

grâce a l'univers
quel honneur
je te jure
c'est immesurable
comment je suis
heureuse

simplicité
intégrité
consensus

je savais
mais je connais pas
et
je sentais
mas je vivais pas
cette sorte de vie
ce type d’attitude
cars je travaillais
mon p’tit bulot
mais je n'ai jamais exprimé
ma raison d’etre
et alors
a ce moment
je vous remerci

whew

2008-08-16T13:13:00.000-07:00

it occured to me today -
nobody knows more
about me
than me

(so no more listening to
anybody's presumptions
bout who i am or oughta be)

parkdale - PD, parkdizzy, tha hood

2008-08-16T12:40:00.000-07:00

how i love my neighborhood!

we are industrious and scavengers
we are outcasts, artists, madmen
we are poor with a few rich too
and we are more resourceful than you

when the parade or a show bring the city our way
we piece off our lawns for you to park (ten bucks flat rate)
and stock up on water and beer to sell to you that day

still when you visit, you turn up your nose at our
aging housing
murmuring alleys
graffiti'd scenery
and the
fumbling
stumbling
addicts
mumbling
edicts
on the plight of
gentrification

but we feel the breeze from the lake
and our liquor store is open very late
and we eat thai, vitenamese, jamaican, trini, guyanese, iranian -
any kinda food
and we got open mic night and all kindsa nightlife too

all i'm sayin is stop hatin
stop disrespecting my community
cos parkdale has more culture
than alla TO's bougie streets

money

2008-08-16T12:07:00.000-07:00

what is more arbitrary than money?

prices are never fixed
include overhead and other inputs
like labour (but who decides the fee?)
exclude environmental externalities
live in limbo with
such ephemeral phenomena as
supply and demand
inflation
interest
credit rates
slight of hand
illusion
tricky business
'ceterus parabis'
'they' say

but all other things are not equal

yes, hard work "pays"
but not always in money
still some people make a lot of money
but ain't it funny -
when you got big money
you don't really need to spend it -
honey,
you get swag, line bypass, VIP
free drinks, they all want you so
"buddy, it's on me!"

but when you ain't got no money
lord help you
(and me)
cos ain't nothing like tryna dig from out that hole
tryna get free
cos financial freedom is very far from free
it is in many circumstances very close to futile
out of reach, unattainable, costly to achieve
for he, she, you, me
for eighty per cent of all a' we

you can find money and money can find you
good or bad luck can bring you money
inheritance, insurance settlement, gambling, stocks, lottery,
but you can beg for money and never get it too
not for lack of trying - money can easily evade you

but

you can make money selling your soul, your body, your mind
you can make money killing, stealing, hurting, fighting
you can make money lying, conning, scamming, conniving

oil spills make money
cancer makes money
even money makes money

but mummies don't make money just being mummies
so you can't make money loving,
can you?

i'm going to give it a try
put love in to everything i do
and if i make money
the love would have been part of the reason too
and if i don't make money
i won't hang my head in shame
cos i know money is seriously arbitrary
i will not let it
-money-
make me.

new web news

2008-08-15T11:15:00.000-07:00

a new way to search

if you are into news, this will drive you nutty

and new tips on writing

friday already?

2008-08-15T11:13:00.000-07:00

time
whoosh
flies
bye

diplo, je t'adore, je t'adore

2008-08-11T07:25:00.000-07:00

fixate

2008-08-09T08:53:00.000-07:00

i fixate on the sex
to suppress other fears
i fixate on the sex
as you are not near

and if you were here
i would continue to
fixate on the sex
to distract from your
departure

inevitable

and when you leave
i will
fixate on the sex
to forget that
other feeling
i feel now
always
in the pit
in the back
in the hidden place
i love you

least i think i do

tried so hard
not to
love you
so i think
i fixate on the sex
in case i truly do
love you

(what a shame
i have separated
the two)

the genesis of this blog

2008-08-07T09:13:00.000-07:00

please feel free to send your comments
this page changes form and focus
content and cadence
direction and perception
often/daily/seamlessly

sometimes real people say real things in real places
in reference to this page
i make disclaimers, i say, "you know, hey, it's just my lil' blog, eh?"
"the poems there are brain burps and heart hiccups and
likely need revision and likely require some reworking and
there is no sense
to
it
all
... just a flurry of feeling and little bits of love and media for sharing
and thank you so much for reading"

i make this disclaimer because what goes up here is not so rare
its what we all share
in common
i just post them
often
so thank you kindly for visiting

apologies if you didn't get what you were expecting
but we never do
it would be too easy
not at all like reality
so come and take freely what you like
it's here for you
from me to you
if there's something you'd like that you do not find
please advise
perhaps we can direct you to another site?

how to tell people they sound racist - jay smooth

2008-08-06T19:44:00.000-07:00

i check a bright young fella's site and online mag often - today i pulled this clip of jay smooth (radio host and blogger) to share with you.

jay explains a few helpful tips for a conversation we have all had, wanted to have, avoided having, etc.

thunderheist - jerk it

2008-08-06T17:48:00.000-07:00

thunderheist is primo grade a canadiana - isis of TO (emcee) and grahmzilla (on beats) of beau montreal combined to form this phat duo - check the video (in which neither appear)

Youtube Note "The video is the work of That Go, that is Noel Paul and Stefan Moore, two students graduate at the DXArts, the Center for Digital Arts at the University of Washington in Seattle. By the way, an animal wrangler on set made sure that the rooster was not abused." - No Fat Clips!!! Website of Authors http://www.that-go.net/

mindstate shift moment

2008-08-06T09:31:00.000-07:00

to any reader,
my apologies for the momentary
pause...
i am re-discombobulating my senses, my cells, myself
i am re-orienting, re-thinking, flip
flopping
stay or go
or just simmer,
i mean simma,
i really mean percolate
on this
everything
anything
right now
for a moment

wedding march

2008-08-04T06:24:00.000-07:00

i am off to a wedding this morning, a quick word before i jump in the shower -

congratulations, i commend you.
we grew up in a different time
divorce rates high,
sex ed in school,
feminism in the curriculum too...
but still, my peers
suffer the very best in
cognitive dissonance
and slip on rings, take vows, make babies
at ages as young as our parents
did

in the woods, on the beach, by the lake
less church, less walls
a ceremony that makes sense
(and costs fewer cents)
for you and yours
with friends about
to wish you well
in spite of what we learned to believe
and disbelieve
as children, as young people
as the selves we have become
we continue to marry and breed
in spite of what we learned to believe
and disbelieve

last day at the firm

2008-07-31T10:22:00.000-07:00

today is my last day
here

i do not fear
but i am overly aware

there is no
immediate
evidence
there is no
incontrovertible
proof

(yet)

that i have
made
the right/wrong
decision
to date

yet
i
breathe

d'bi.young anitafrika dub theatre opening tonight 7pm 62 fraser avenue (parkdale)

2008-07-31T07:49:00.000-07:00

if you live in toronto and love dub, then you know the dub poets collective ... if you know the dub poets collective, then you know lillian allen... if you know lillian allen, then you know d'bi young.

well d'bi young has returned from the UK theatre run of Da Kink.

and she has returned with a vengeance; last night i saw her perform to a small room of OCAD students. her words assault the mic. rythem follows her cadence. no music but her voice carries the beat. while her bangles punctuate the verse. she is a brilliant dub poet sharing words and stories about struggle and love. on stage, she is a sight to be seen and to be heard. the city is glad to have her back i feel for -

d'bi is opening the anitaAFRIKA! dub theatre at 62 fraser avenue (king and dufferin) -

parkdale big up! if i may speak on our behalf, we over-ostracized parkdalians are honored and ecstatic that dbi is bringing a radical, community artspace to our humble hood -

come out tonigth at 7pm to support the launch party of the first storyteller.groundings.fest slated to run Aug 19-24th, 2008

Live Performances and DJsbidding marketplace * raffles * henna body art * kissing booth * donations welcomed

anitAFRIKA dub theatre welcomes you to its new home in west toronto adt! is a radical arts initiative founded by d'bi young during her mentorhsip with dubb aatist visionary ahdri zhina mandiela, based on seven principles of dubpoetry and dubtheatre, used as mediums of social change through storytelling. This fundraising event is meant to gather resources for the company's inaugural storyteller.groundings.fest.

62 fraser avenue - parkdale- liberty village - one block south of King - two blocks east of dufferin. for more info www.anitafrika.com 416.434.1823. groundings@dbiyoung.net

nouveau riche band - new ep - free money

2008-07-31T07:24:00.000-07:00

Download the new, first, two years in the making EP from the nouveau riche band.

nouveau riche is based outta philly and lyrically fronted by soon-to-blow singer/songwriter nikki jean and established illadelplh emcee Dice Raw (of the Roots). you can watch nikki jean's endearing daily blog to get to the minute updates on her new album deal (to be produced by sam hollander - exclusively) as well as nouveau riche news.

it's rock, it's roll, they got mad soul, bit a hip hop, but a bit more original style. check 'em out.

i'd love to see them live - if you hear of any shows, please let me know!

here's a clip of nouveau riche opening for spankrock (also philly-based, also worth lending an ear!)

still loving KJ

2008-07-30T13:28:00.000-07:00

the mixtape is below, but i must also post this video from keziah jones - the track is technically dated, but the content is stunner:

beauty real, beauty drawn, beauty feel, beauty born, beauty sing, beauty dance, beauty fly, beauty stance, beauty style, beauty flow, beauty high, beauty low...

remember, debut album from keziah jones 'nigerian wood' coming september 2008.

new mix - diplo vs. santogold

2008-07-30T12:50:00.000-07:00

i am going to download this and drop it onto my ipod cos me dun kno' dis mix ah de fiya!!!

course you know diplo, but do you know santi white, aka santogold?

you ought to - she's luverly and amongst my favorite artists who does/can/will not "sing" a la american idol fake gold standards - santogold is a fierce new addition to a community of artists that just plain know better than to pander to reactionary industry expectations about genres or marketability or "it" factor foolishness. her eponymous album dropped earlier this year, 3rd single comin in august, keep your eyes peeled and your ears... husked? hmmm...

listen for it is all i'm saying - talent raw and tasty as sashimi. check her out - there's my fav track below.

big up. respect. luv da mix diplo - thx.

International call for delegates - Ignite the Americas forum September 15-21st

2008-07-30T10:31:00.000-07:00

Sharing a message from Che Kothari photographer and co-founder of manifesto & earkwaks:

Peace. If you didn't know already, I wanted to let you all know of this opportunity for a youth arts policy forum, IGNITE THE AMERICAS (www.ignitetheamericas.ca), a working forum that we are planning and delivering in Toronto, Canada through the Canadian Government and under the auspices of the OAS.

In September we will be bringing together a group of 68 delegates from across the Americas to work on three main outcomes:
1. Policy recommendations for the OAS (Organization of American States) Culture Ministerial meeting in Barbados in November.
2. The Development of a Pan-American network of young people using arts for social change and community development. This network will include not only NGO organizations but also individual artists, socially conscious businesses etc.
3. The creation of Tool Kits for other young people who are interested in creating a project or socially responsible business in their communities throughout the Americas.The dates for this forum are September 15th-21st.

Besides what will be a really cool and productive working session there is the Manifesto festival running parallel to IGNITE THE AMERICAS.Right now we are trying to identify the best possible delegates from each country across the Americas (including of course the Caribbean but, excluding however Cuba).We have funding to bring up 2 people from each country. We will cover all of their costs (flights, accommodation, per diems) should they be successful in becoming one of our delegates.Right now we are trying to spread the word so any help you can give in sending out the above link (I will include it again at the end of this message) to your networks would be MUCH appreciated.You guys should apply yourself as well.The application is available in English, French, Spanish & Portuguese. With respect, Peace, CK.

visit http://www.ignitetheamericas.ca & download an informational deck for more in depth details

a warning to man

2008-07-29T15:55:00.000-07:00

listen man,
do not lie to your woman

do not lie to your woman
'specially 'bout that sex
when you
where you
who you
sex

'cos word spreads
contagious as STDs
transmitted orally

time, chance and womens' sense
will inevitably unspin
your web

and when word spreads
then you will regret
but worse yet
'cos you one man lie
women moan and cry
(and learn to believe)
"oh man, why do all men lie?"

postscript:
listen woman,
you know
you knew
all along

artist alert - keziah jones

2008-07-29T11:39:00.000-07:00

shortly before keziah jones drops his debut album in September entitled 'nigeria wood', fairtilizer drops this/his wicked NY vs. Lagos mix - ENJOY! i do...

sorry friend, what to do

2008-07-29T10:38:00.000-07:00

exhale
breathe deep
the mood has passed

shoulders lower
now can relax
the mood has passed

smile returned
thank god she's back
the mood has passed

please repeat what you said before
i missed it
please excuse what i said before
i've fixed it

rather it sorted itself out
while i impatiently waited it out

sorry if you took a hit...

sorry, another candidate has more direct experience with policy...

2008-07-28T09:00:00.000-07:00

everything is all up in the air,
floating just above my head,
just out of my reach,
blurry and hot to the touch it seems

everything is hovering above me
moving slow then quick then slow
i can't seem to pace my flow
accordingly
too late, no wait, now too early

everything is not going as planned
but should i really tell you this?
truth is
the shit is out of hand
out of my hands rather
outside of my control
and i'm
out of dough
out of 'in'
out and out
time to begin again

no plans this time
no expectations
no path to follow
no game to win

stupid degree
false sense of security
stupid job
false sense of security
drop them all
false sense of security
watch me fall

time to begin again
shit makes no sense at all

news from democracynow.org

2008-07-25T13:06:00.000-07:00

i thought the news was dead then a friend suggested i visit democracynow.org and watch the daily headlines - he was right, the news is alive and well and amy goodman brings the best in under-covered news. here are three stories i watched this week; i feel all three are the same story...
~

Luiz Ramirez was beaten to death by a group of highschool students in Shenandoah, PA."The 25-year-old illegal immigrant was beaten over the weekend after an argument with a group of youths, including at least some players on the town's beloved high school football team, police said. Despite witness reports that the attackers yelled ethnic slurs, authorities say the beating wasn't racially motivated." An American citizen for six years, Luiz immigrated to Shenandoah from Mexico and was engaged (to a young white woman.) Read more here.

Police office Scott Nugent tasered 21 year old Baron Pikes to death during arrest on a cocaine charge in Louisiana. "Dr. Randolph Williams, the Winn Parish coroner, told CNN the 21-year-old sawmill worker was jolted so many times by the 50,000-volt Taser that he might have been dead before the last two shocks were delivered." Williams rules the death a homocide and Nugent has been dismissed. Nugent may face charges if the DA pursues the case. "In the year since Winnfield police received Tasers, officers have used them 14 times, according to police records -- with 12 of the instances involving black suspects. Ten of the 14 incidents involved Nugent, who has no public disciplinary record." Baron Pikes is Micheal Bell's (of the Jena 6) first cousin. Read more here.

~
Private LaVena Johnson's parents continue to call for an investigation into their daughter's death July 19, 2005 in Balad, Iraq. The military claim she committed suicide and pointed to an M-16 wound they describe as self inflicted; Private Johnson's other wounds include a broken nose, two front teeth knocked out, one eye was concave from pressure or force, her gloves were burned onto her hands and acid was poured over her genitals. In addition, the bullet wound was too small for an M-16 and on the wrong side of her head (she was right handed and the bullet was on the left temple.) Read more here and sign the petition here. Watch her parents on the news here.

i am dismayed

oh lord help us

safety feels so far

away

fear and hate

overlord

here on earth

seems we can't escape

seems hate can

steal your heart

and hate will

murder your love,

or merely commandeer

your right to be

to feel free

right where you be

me, you, we

here, there,

now, then

man, woman

how can we

live, work, breathe

in this arbitrary insecurity?

the noisettes - don't give up

2008-07-24T07:31:00.001-07:00

a jihad for love by parvez sharma

2008-07-22T18:49:00.000-07:00

i just went to see a jihad for love, a film six years in the making by parvez sharma (film maker's blog). filmed in 12 countries and nine languages, this is the first film about homosexuality in islam - spoken from a devout muslim perspective - fantastic, moving, beautifully shot (though he never used a tripod, filmed in secret with a handheld camera, even spliced footage with tourist style clips to fool customs.)

the transcendent experience across these countries was relayed through the stories of different but similar characters of diverse cultural backgrounds; each man or woman just wants to love Allah and themselves and someone of the same sex but it is a personal struggle, a jihad, and a community's struggle - gay and lesbian muslims in non-secular muslim states wish to be accepted within the islamic community that continues suppress/demonize and criminalize/punish them - an islamic community under attack from the western world - a western world they must flee to as refugees to escape persecution, prison and/or death.

2008-07-22T11:45:00.001-07:00

i like this itty bitty story

johnny lee hooker - real talk

2008-07-22T10:45:00.000-07:00

sorry for sorry

2008-07-22T07:36:00.000-07:00

i am a mess
i cannot tell you this

i hope you find me attractive
as opposed to
desperate and plaintive

i wish you were here
but then i would fear

i'd push you away
i'd tell you not to stay

i'd make up some excuse
then string up my noose

and hang myself again

lessons from rock tha bells in TO,

2008-07-21T13:40:00.001-07:00

if i learned anything yesterday at rock the bells it is one must to organize and plan a twelve hour event with your attendees in mind at all times, this means

ensure sufficient bathrooms are available and cleaned regularly
reduce line-ups as much as possible (e.g. DO NOT make a thirsty, hungry, tired person wait in line to get a ticket to wait in line again)
stagger stack shows on two stages if necessary to avoid frustrating wait times
visit the venue you've booked prior and evaluate it for light, seating possibilities and general atmosphere (i found that airport hangers are not as conducive to concerts as they are to raves for example)
allow ins and outs, ESPECIALLY if the show runs longer than six hours
conveniently provide attendees with ample food and water (3$ lukewarm tap water after waiting two lines is unacceptable as is pizza pizza stink permeating your entire venue)
employ quality sound engineers
USE COMMON SENSE

if the above guidelines are not observed the result is simple and largely unavoidable:

if doesn't matter how much concert goers respect the artists they will leave remembering how poorly planned and organized the event was as opposed to remembering how great each half hour set was.

because de la was fantastic; pharcyde performed like they never broke up; mos basically threw down a helluva reggae set; rakim endured major technical difficulties and finished his set; nas was hype; q tip was full of energy and tribe was tribe - whole and superb.

care bears on fire -

2008-07-17T13:01:00.000-07:00

you're probably thinking, 'wha?' yes, that's right, they are a band called care bears on fire - all three members are in grade 7 and they kick major rockn'roll backside. least i think so. i think they are testament to a new generation of parents; the other day i saw a young dad fly by on his bike after his kid, they were both in helmets but no shirts busy blazing down the sidewalk and i thought to myself, 'this is a dad who is going to give his son tips on how to graffiti without getting caught."

the three members of care bears on fire must have pretty cool parents to have started a band in early elementary, re-grouped (lost a member & changed the name,) and set out to forge a path in never-done-before-land, writing and composing original music and gaining rockn'roll notoriety before their teens. i am well impressed with their first single, "everybody else," check it out -