i can't sleep anymore

i can't sleep anymore...

dammit. shit. f*ck me.
i shoulda never said a word
should've just sent off my
application -
now i wish you never heard
I wish i never told you
just how bad i wanted it.
I wish i never got so excited.
I wish I never wished for it.
cause now i cannot
look you in the eye
"any news?" you ask
i know i'll cry if i sigh
so instead i smile and laugh,
"nothing yet,"
and traipse away
leaving a faint trail
of everything i couldn't say -

"no i didn't make it,
well, i haven't heard back,
it appears my application
wasn't quite right
wasn't entirely on point..."

here's where you jump in
with what you think is a
helpful suggestion -
something about eggs and a basket
something about endless potential
but i'm tellin you now
i can't handle it!
dammit please just be gentle!
cause your kindness is killin
it's stealin and robbin
any glimmer of hope
left in my heart, in my head
i just feel trashed, thrashed and
left for dead
so, now is when
you tell me again,
something about
there's always
a next time
friend...