fear and doubt - a story in parts - 2

her mother used to say, "chile', you don't like hard things," and she wondered if she was right. she sat up abruptly racked with the fear that her mother had condemned her to a life of easy outs. she looked out onto the cool serene lake for answers it seemed and laughed at herself softly thinking, 'watch how i give myself an out for taking outs!' she breathed deep and stood up in one motion, catching herself slightly surprised at her body for making such a sound, swift movement.

he stood up from the bench slowly surveying the leaves rustling in the trees, children and parents, grass in patterns of patches and began to head home. he looked down, his hands were dry, soft but dry and empty. he was thinking about writing a letter; he wasn't sure to whom but that wasn't important, it was the letter that counted or the things he could write down in it rather. as he walked, he felt in his pocket for a pen, took it out and wrote the following words onto his palm: 'purpose, identity, worry, happy'.

they crossed paths at the light. she thought, 'how odd, this man is meditating on the back of his hand.' he felt her eyes and looked up to find them staring back at him. he was startled with his mouth open slightly but she liked his face anyway. she smiled to herself but he caught it even though her eyes changed their focus almost immediately. 'how beautiful,' he thought.

short film by galen summer, 'martin the tailor'

the score, the shots, the character, the message - beauty.

(and thanks to first for posting for me to find.)


Martin the Tailor from Ed David on Vimeo.

respect tabi bonney,

born in lome, togo and raised in washington, d.c., emcee tabi bonney is producing good works in fashion, film, and music. respect to an artist representing where he comes from, reviving the dc music scene and generally bringing a fresh and tasty product to tha people - thank you.

tabi (son of itadi bonney, afrofunk legend) dreamed of filming a video in the country of his birth so to hail in his second album, 'Dope meet Fresh... Fresh meet Superstar' Team Bonney and Cool Kids Forever Films traveled to West Africa to shoot the first single, 'so cool, so fly' -

work

it's great to have a job
(but not when it's not where you want to be)

it's fine to hate your job
(but remember you gotta get from a to b)

it's fantastic to quit your job
(as long as you can feel what you need,
and see what that looks like
and sense how it will feel
so that you will know for certain
when you finally reach.)

fear and doubt - a story in parts - 1

he feared that everything had been done before. he was afraid but the fear was comforting at times. the fear allowed him to feel less guilty about the static routine his life had become. "i needn't try that, it's already been done," he thought to himself, holding the finality close against him, warm and comforting as a cup of tea. the thought was the mug that held the tea and the tea was the feeling - much too hot - insulated to protect his heart he imagined. he kicked out at the dirt under the park bench and squinted at sunlight dancing through tree leaves. he heard his own breathing under the sounds of the park and listened to children play. he noticed they either skidded down the slide to stop abruptly or fly out into the sand. he felt like the little girl in pigtails and pink nail polish whose hands flew out to the sides just short of the break where plastic became air and pressed against the red tubing. at the same time she raised her knees so her bare sweaty feet would fight the gravity that sent her down in the first place. she sat looking out into the playground from the tunnel. 'children see too much' he thought as she caught his eyes. he flinched, looked down at the patchy grass and felt depressed. he was at the bottom of his red tube.

she sighed hard and felt as though she sent her expelled breath clear across the lake. she twisted the blanket beneath her between her fingers and closed her eyes tight. "what am i going to do now" she thought to herself, not a question, more reprimand than possibility, not at all open-ended as questions ought to be. she wanted to lay back and lift up onto the wind like her breath. 'inhale' the worries her head fought with her heart over and 'exhale' them out into the atmosphere. 'oh, if it were only so easy,' she thought and placed one hand over her chest and another across her forehead in the hopes her hands could quell the fury flying between the two. but her head wouldn't let her heart be, her head bombarded her heart with questions that were really accusations covered in a facetious film of curiosity (her heart could tell.) her head rang out with worried what ifs that all boiled down to missed opportunity. What if she should have pursued piano - damn her childish fears of the royal conservatory exams that kept her from returning to write the exam that fifth time. What if her limbs were meant for dance and she was keeping them from their true purpose - she cursed the insecurity that kept her in the back row of jazz class far from the mirror her own shape obscured by other bodies. What if she had been a more active student and survived not three but four internships or taken not two but five languages or tried to run the school paper instead of spin records hiding in away with music at the school radio? What if, what if, what if, whutiph, whutiph, whutiph... Her head was running away with her heart in the back seat, dictating the road to take and gaining speed. To focus she tricked her brain into slowing and stretching by pulling her hair from the roots at her neck, then tugging her ears out to each side and rubbing her temples round n' round. She sighed again and imagined herself floating up onto the air out into the atmostphere.

Jay Electronica - please take a few moments to process

sounds like a tragic hip hop opera,

like universal secrets shrouded in beats in rhymes in bytes,

like what comes after the darkest hour edging in like sunlight -

But remember that if the struggle were to resort to violence, it will lose vision, beauty and imagination. Most dangerous of all, it will marginalize and eventually victimize women. And a political struggle that does not have women at the heart of it, above it, below it and within it is no struggle at all.

- Arundhati Roy. Learn more about the film here.

weekend wind down

the weekend has come to a close... one symbolic tear rolls down my cheek - it was a good one.

breaks, beats and culture on saturday and afrofest on sunday, a jam-packed weekend, literally, packed full of jams, vibes, good times and oneness all around. the harbourfront was fullupapeople yesterday, as was queen's park today - respect toronto, you showed love. sometimes you meanmug through the whole show or screwface all up in the event, but some weekends you come out in droves and smile and applaud, and when you do toronto, when you come out and support and celebrate it is most memorable, most enjoyable.

so thank you toronto, thank you organizers, artists, vendors and supporters alike for a fantastic weekend.