fixate

i fixate on the sex
to suppress other fears
i fixate on the sex
as you are not near

and if you were here
i would continue to
fixate on the sex
to distract from your
departure

inevitable

and when you leave
i will
fixate on the sex
to forget that
other feeling
i feel now
always
in the pit
in the back
in the hidden place
i love you

least i think i do

tried so hard
not to
love you
so i think
i fixate on the sex
in case i truly do
love you

(what a shame
i have separated
the two)

the genesis of this blog

please feel free to send your comments
this page changes form and focus
content and cadence
direction and perception
often/daily/seamlessly

sometimes real people say real things in real places
in reference to this page
i make disclaimers, i say, "you know, hey, it's just my lil' blog, eh?"
"the poems there are brain burps and heart hiccups and
likely need revision and likely require some reworking and
there is no sense
to
it
all
... just a flurry of feeling and little bits of love and media for sharing
and thank you so much for reading"

i make this disclaimer because what goes up here is not so rare
its what we all share
in common
i just post them
often
so thank you kindly for visiting

apologies if you didn't get what you were expecting
but we never do
it would be too easy
not at all like reality
so come and take freely what you like
it's here for you
from me to you
if there's something you'd like that you do not find
please advise
perhaps we can direct you to another site?

how to tell people they sound racist - jay smooth

i check a bright young fella's site and online mag often - today i pulled this clip of jay smooth (radio host and blogger) to share with you.

jay explains a few helpful tips for a conversation we have all had, wanted to have, avoided having, etc.

thunderheist - jerk it

thunderheist is primo grade a canadiana - isis of TO (emcee) and grahmzilla (on beats) of beau montreal combined to form this phat duo - check the video (in which neither appear)


Youtube Note "The video is the work of That Go, that is Noel Paul and Stefan Moore, two students graduate at the DXArts, the Center for Digital Arts at the University of Washington in Seattle. By the way, an animal wrangler on set made sure that the rooster was not abused." - No Fat Clips!!! Website of Authors http://www.that-go.net/

mindstate shift moment

to any reader,
my apologies for the momentary
pause...
i am re-discombobulating my senses, my cells, myself
i am re-orienting, re-thinking, flip
flopping
stay or go
or just simmer,
i mean simma,
i really mean percolate
on this
everything
anything
right now
for a moment

wedding march

i am off to a wedding this morning, a quick word before i jump in the shower -

congratulations, i commend you.
we grew up in a different time
divorce rates high,
sex ed in school,
feminism in the curriculum too...
but still, my peers
suffer the very best in
cognitive dissonance
and slip on rings, take vows, make babies
at ages as young as our parents
did

in the woods, on the beach, by the lake
less church, less walls
a ceremony that makes sense
(and costs fewer cents)
for you and yours
with friends about
to wish you well
in spite of what we learned to believe
and disbelieve
as children, as young people
as the selves we have become
we continue to marry and breed
in spite of what we learned to believe
and disbelieve