shame shame

it's just not friendly, just not friendly...

why be 'friendly' over a year now?
but lie? or to be clear, why omit?
why never speak her name?
why not mention your wife or marital status?

you coulda drawn that line
long long long ago
when we were first becoming 'friends'
a little clarity in fact would have been
much more 'friendly'

cause i believe in karma
and now mine feels sullied
still i did not know i trespassed
until well after the fact, found out by (the universe disguised as) chance...
should i have asked?
i should have asked.
shoulda done 'due diligence'

says my friend with a cock who i call up to talk when i find out to process the shock to help me figure out how on earth could this type fuckerie come about? he explains i'm to blame cause i never asked point blank and all men care 'bout is that they don't get found out, cause the exposure is the only part that causes pain. in fact, i played right into his game by never insisting to know when, who, what he did at night. i reply we never talked on those levels, bout them type things - that's not what we were about, we were friends over writing and music and artivism. "then why'd you fuck?" i hesitate to reply that's not what this is about -

'to deceive'

synonyms: betray, mislead, beguile, delude, dupe, hoodwink, bamboozle, double-cross...

the sad truth is
i valued you as my friend, friend.
but bredren don't do so to bredren.

sadder fact is i got to shake off the sad feeling
and do my best not to hold onto that bitter unease
but be real with myself
that i did suspect & felt in my gut
that you were lying or withholding
something.

now, if i had known what
i woulda backed the fuck off.