new york city - a lovely time and...

an opportunity to take a look at my situation - distance always allows for greater perspective...

the experience of my life lately is an acutely heightened experience; expectations and insecurities have reached a critical state and I am faltering slightly, wavering, teetering precariously in a what-to-do-now kind of limbo, overwhelmed by options, tracking choices and alternatives, weighing all possibilities (which are in fact endless).

nyc ruffled my feathers. disturbed the cool facade i convince myself/others of. unsettled my spirit. and presented me with new possibilities.

as the plan was landing i wrote this:
I cannot re-immerse myself without heeding this discovery - I must hold it close to me against my chest and look closely at its raw, blank neediness - it is calling to me, "know yourself, be yourself, first see yourself"

there are two kinds of people in my life. there are many people who tell me how it is, how i am, how it will be, why it was, why i am, why it is so, what i should do, when i shoulda have done it, why i should do so. there are very few people who respond to my questions, commentary and madness with thoughtful questions, humble glances, curious suggestions and warm silences. i am thankful for both.