Monday

missing premise - i believe everything happens for a reason

If i we spoke on Sunday evening you may have noted as one friend did that i sounded "spiritually overwhelmed"...

On Sunday the last two, three, four... all 25 years of my life came to a head in one conversation.

Though I have not included this point on my resume, I effectively run communications for a friend's organization. Perhaps I don't flash it because it feels so informal, casual, non-labour intensive; generally we chat, process her thoughts together and draft a format/ vernacular/ structure to convey the messages. It occured organically this way as we were/are friends and I was among few in her life with whom she could discuss her ideas and I was among fewer who gave her affirmation and the only individual to collaborate on the words with which to share her gift. Her work/ philosophy/ methodology can be described as focused on self development, communication and transformation but not really as those words connote in a conventional way.

There is a slight push and pull here, as we work I am cognisant I fear responses to her work that denigrate her wisdom by labelling it flaky, new age, overly sensitive... the workshop was fantastic because the feedback was positive, but generally the participants were already accepting of these types of ideas...

I fear that as a society, globe, community, we have become socialized to dismiss the power of energy, thought, spirit, vibration... yet these facilities have produced the most mystical aspects of religion and philosophy since the Beginning; ideas that explore our existence, interactions, transformations, healing, believing, feeling (please push from your mind the commercialized, fantasized, over simplified The Secret - bah...) these are the concepts that explain the existence of God, Big Bang theory, quantum physics - i believe these are the most mysterious and powerful of humankind's gifts to ourselves.

The worrisome part is where we find ourselves today, our minds bombarded, assaulted, invaded by the evils we have created and infantilized, hyper-sexualized, desensitized by the mediums we have created to convey and transmit our evils and thereby prey upon people without purpose.

I think the pendulum is swinging back. I think something special is happening in spite of name calling and labeling. I think there are communities of people who believe in their own power to understand themselves , express themselves and transform themselves. And I think I am on the cusp (of some such journey.)

I am blessed to have been exposed to eastern religions as a child (perhaps the origins of my openness.)
I am blessed to have been a part of this process with my good friend.
I am blessed to have stayed long after the workshop speaking with a participant, a healer.

This woman watched my eyes, breathing and posture as I spoke and then began to share her knowledge and understanding.
This woman saw in me a fear and sadness that I had not quite broached in words... words that i always employ so eloquently, engagingly... so deliberately.
This woman pointed me to parts of myself I hid away somewhere deep sometime long ago, parts of myself that I assumed were addressed by my education, formal, informal, environmental and self... parts that i presume to dominate with my reason and rational self, my neck up self... parts that she suggest I merge, meaning to merge heart and head, meaning to be whole, accepting all parts of myself.

By the time I walked away (after admittedly long embraces - thank you Daria, Nadia and Sabita) my breathing had shifted to somewhere under my belly button. I repeated the same words all the way home and I will continue to do so.

I know this is truth. I know I am on my way...

Thank you (universe).

Don't call me flaky, new age or over-sensitive; I am on my way...

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